Adam Joseph Smith

1:25 - Adam says “Let's get into some…some things…”, this is a reference to the end of the song “Stay Cool” by The Roots.

1:46 - Adam refers to a poster on the wall of Eric's apartment that depicts various dinosaurs from the Jurassic period.

6:07 - We make a reference to the movie “An American Tail”. If you don't already know that, what the hell dude?!

8:40 - We refer to Skyline Chili pizza…get yourself a pizza crust, use Skyline Chili with beans as the sauce, cover that with Skyline cheddar and habañero cheeses, cook the pizza about halfway and then place oyster crackers on the pizza, then cook the pizza the rest of the way. You're welcome!

10:33 - I once figured out that you could get a Hothead burrito that contained only both kinds of rice, both kinds of beans, both kinds of cheeses and one sauce and they only charged a mu'fucka $2,60! They wouldn't have delivered that!

11:44 - We get our first ding!

15:22 - We talk about riding dinosaurs…something we both always wanted to do, for obvious reasons.

16:05 - Adam references it “being easier when we did things on a cassette tape”… we used to hide (and then forget about) a Radio Shack cassette recorder in Eric's car when we were teenagers, and obliviously record the ridiculous conversations as we aimlessly drove around Hamilton, probably eating Cosmic Brownies.

17:36 - Things go south…real quick! Cover your children's ears!

23:22 - The microphone had the symbol for a “cardioid microphone polar pattern”…Google it!

26:10 - The album is “The Future In Whose Eyes” by Sikth…check it out!

27:44 - We take a commercial break, right before the end of the episode…we've got some great sponsors!

28:19 - The “water cooler smelling like weed” is a reference to Adam's wedding reception (circa 2011?), where Adam's dad was asking people to explain the smell of weed that was in the air…which I promptly explained was simply the smell of the water cooler overheating.

0:48 - Here we talk about checking the levels, as we are all (Adam, Sarah, and Eric) talking into the same large diaphragm condenser microphone and not using headphones.

2:19 - Adam bargains with Sarah to let us risk our lives in the Clifty Wilderness, in exchange for the most exclusive, exciting, and limited Arby's sandwich at the time: the Bacon Roasted Beast.

2:50 - We return from checking the levels. They sound ok, for all of us talking into the same mic! Time for intros!

5:11 - Adam refers to very large and deep scratch/claw marks that he and I found in sandstone during a previous visit to the Gorge, in a super cool area past the "Frog's Head" area, atop one of our favorite places in the Gorge called “Indian Staircase”; we talk about it later too.

14:25 - Adam introduces our first sponsor, who paid us approximately $0 and did not actually sponsor us.

15:06 - Adam refers to an area that we found that was just past the area mentioned at 5:11.

16:12 - Adam refers to a previous time that I went down to the Gorge alone and heard some terrifying noises that were probably bear cubs followed by their mama bear.

18:38 - We hear a weird noise outside; what the hell was that?!

26:05 - Adam references a very old inside joke he made up about how "Gary gregged dad in the dishwasher". [explanation pending from Eric]

26:16 - Come on, baby! I reference the fully relevant song "The Locomotion".

29:41 - Sarah refers to "dinosaurs", because this podcast is called "Dinosaurs and Dope Ass Shit". We've talked about a lot of dope ass shit, but we haven't talked enough about dinosaurs, am I right?!

33:26 - The “studio” is my whack ass apartment.

0:07 - Let's go ahead and give a little context to this one before we go too far hahaha the “your dad's dick” comment is not, necessarily, referring to Sarah's, or any one particular, “dad” or their dick. Hahahahaha If you know Adam and I, then you are probably quite familiar with this long-running inside joke and how ridiculous it has become over the years. For the purpose of not interrupting telling a novel in the show notes too much, I'll try to explain the “dad” joke later, to anyone who doesn't already know it.

0:17 - This is where Adam realizes that I had already pressed record and the “your dad's dick” comment was forever immortalized on the podcast hahaha

0:31 - “Smith” is referring to “John Smith”, who is Adam's cousin (I know- they all have the same last name but, for some reason, we all know that John is “Smith” haha). He lived next door to me and was supposed to come up and make an appearance on this episode, but chose to be a scrub instead. Classic Smith. Hahaha

1:02 - This is a reference to a song that Adam and I made up years ago, and used to sing (in a super low, bass-y voice). The lyrics went: “if you gon' get diarrhea, go 'head get diarrhea”. You would repeat this, and throw in some “record-skip” noises here and there, and then the lyrics for the breakdown went: “e'ery now n then my breaf stank”. We should've won a Grammy.

2:47 - …it's what's for dinner. Here come the intros!

6:12 - We answer a question from our caller, Gary…who doesn't exist…and never called…but he poses a fair question…

8:26 - Adam begins to challenge the man-made construct that is “time”.

9:10 - Adam's stomach makes a special guest appearance, if you listen closely!

9:39 - We introduce the sponsors that provided us with zero sponsorship! Legit shout-outs! Yankee Candle been keeping my place smelling good for decades now!

11:25 - Adam references a time that he and I went down to Red River Gorge and ran into a couple random dudes (at Skybridge Station) who were talking about this amazing and over-the-top breakfast they made that morning (I believe it was barbacoa and chorizo tacos), and that they were making lasagna for dinner that night. We didn't believe them. They invited us over and Adam and I were too lazy to make eggs at our campsite. So, we made a loooong journey to their campsite. (Adam apologizes for it, but we both wanted to see if these guys were full of shit, and we had no idea it would be a 90 minute trip.) We learned what “glamping” was that night. We ate lasagna. These dudes spent HOURS making fucking LASAGNA. From scratch. In a dutch oven. Over a fire. In Red River Gorge. Adam and I were too lazy to make eggs. Hahahaha

13:45 - Adam is referring to a rock shelter that we found in the Gorge many years ago, and the multiple different times that we stayed there back in the day. Making a fire near a rock shelter isn't allowed. We got a few tickets for being dumb. We always happily paid the fine.

15:00 - Adam is referring to a time (probably mid-late 2000's) that we went camping with a large group of friends. A neighboring campsite was being pretty loud and then started firing off guns, some people at our campsite started getting uncomfortable. Adam went over to ask the campsite to chill out, and ended up befriending their dog, and then ended up shooting guns too.

19:54 - See, there's the “dad” joke, it's all over the place.

20:53 - This is a lie. Adam has already committed to getting Sarah a delicious…Arby's…bacon…roasted beast. (See episode 2)

21:10 - Your dad!

22:03 - Adam and I treat the listeners to an impromptu vocal performance of “SpottieOttieDopaliscious” by Outkast. (Sorry for the pop can “popping” at 22:08.)

22:28 - “Betty Sawyer” means “Best Song Ever”. “Wetty Sawyer” would mean “Worst Song Ever”. You can also use it like “ Betty Thoyer” for “Best Thing Ever”, or “Betty Broyer” for “Best Breakfast Ever”, and so on. It's a long-running thing amongst us. Now you can use it too. You're welcome!

If I remember correctly, this was meant more to be a “warmup” and a quick levels check before we actually started the next episode - which was recorded later, this same night - but it ended up going on a lot longer as we just kind of started rambling. Things got kind of deep right out of the gate and I'm glad we got some of the content we did on what feels more like a companion to the next episode than just a "warmup".

0:03 - Adam gets introspective. There's a few moments of comedy but I feel like these are some of the most raw and honest minutes we ever recorded.

3:47 - PCs (Pro Coverage) / PGs (Performance Guarantee) were, basically, the extended warranty at Guitar Center and, for most of the stuff in Adam's department, it was pretty much a replacement warranty. There were cash incentives paid out for selling PCs/PGs and, although Adam may not have always been #1 on the gross sales ranker, he was consistently a model employee at selling PCs/PGs. You can hire plenty of people to sell the most guitars to the most customers, but you have to build a different relationship with your customer to sell them any kind of warranty. And, anytime one of Adam's customers came in with a problem and he had sold them the PC/PG, he would drop everything to get their shit taken care of- which just made his customers want to buy more stuff from him, with the same warranty. He really had a way with people, didn't he?

10:43 - I accidentally unplug a USB cable and interrupt what may have been a profound sidetrack thought.

11:28 - Adam leaves a hefty one in your ear. Right before the conversation shifts to flowers.

14:02 - In Adam's defense, his ex-wife did suck pretty bad back then. She ruined many a good time. Haha She had her moments…although, I might just be saying that to be nice.

17:17 - I used to work at an online estate sale auction website warehouse. We saw some weird shit

0:00 - Intro time! Adam drops a classic one…I appear to be eating something…and dealing with hiccups?

2:47 - We discuss the awful business of fossil poaching and then talk about our rich history of being good stewards of the fossil world.

3:58 - We talk about Nicolas Cage and his dealings in illegal fossils. And then his movies.

5:34 - Adam references a night where we played poker with some friends and, after a long night of playing, it came down to just he and I. Right when it looked like one of us was finally going to win it all, the momentum would shift and the game dragged on for way too long! At one point, I believe one of us was about to finally just go all in to end the game and we both agreed, once and for all…when, suddenly, my girlfriend at the time glances over my shoulder and says out loud what my cards were. Thus, completely ruining all of the excitement that this game had built up to. Unacceptable.

6:11 - We talk about Zach's surprise appearance at the poker game and his sweet li’l baby kid!

8:00 - A conversation that…I think…was about a hot button issue?…swerves back into a dinosaur conversation…I think…

9:49 - WATCH OUT! Here comes a cough! And then Shaq Fu! And Seth The Mummy!….?

10:40 - Yes, “blue screen” and “rainbow screen” are the vintage TV channels you are thinking of.

11:05 - Let's get back to dinosaurs!

12:45 - (Sarah, you're going to want to cover your ears for the next few seconds!)

13:36 - Adam talks about how close Rihanna and rhinos really are, and their heroic contributions to stamping out fires.

14:21 - We shift the conversation from Rihanna to Soundgarden's lack of representation during the Cretaceous Period.

15:54 - If you listen closely, you can hear a ghost train in the background.

16:14 - WATCH OUT! We got another cough ova heeah!

0:00 - We come RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE with a hard-hitting and super controversial topic: muffins! If I remember correctly, we were having a hilarious and riveting conversation about muffins before we started recording and then, eventually, the conversation started to stray…we start recording and try to capture some of the magic by bringing the topic right back to the forefront.

1:25 - Adam drops a bombshell on the listener!

2:03 - I get real honest and vulnerable about my public food consumption decisions.

4:17 - “TRH” = Texas RoadHouse, you uncultured swine!

5:05 - Let's get back to this muffins conversation, so we can finally put it to bed. We throw out some pretty hot takes.

6:38 - Let's talk about poop (and bible camp)! Also, Adam reveals the nefarious thing he does while Sarah sleeps…all in the name of science.

8:00 - We may have missed the countdown but Happy (Late) New Year, Bitches!!!!!!

8:35 - Adam reveals the real problem with American schools.

9:10 - Adam and I try to break into the “In Living Color” theme song, but Sarah keeps the conversation moving to remind us about what's REALLY annoying about people and New Year's.

9:58 - WATCH OUT if you're wearing headphones!

10:40 - “Bain” is the nickname that I gave my former stepdad, around the grade school era (maybe 6th/7th grade?). Jon Bain. Not sure why or where the name came from. Perhaps it was because his real last name had a lot of letters in it and I was too lazy to pronounce it? Or maybe I'm just a weirdo.

11:01 - We talk about dope ass future haircut decisions. Also, the “snapping” sound you will hear is Adam and/or I doing the classic “dirt-snap” (you know, the way hillbillies pack their dip canister) and Adam clicking his wrist bracelet and/or rings against something (maybe a vape or something?).

12:10 - We talk about very NON dope ass past haircut decisions.

12:51 - “Speakerboxxx/The Love Below” is an Outkast album. If you don't already know that, then that means you've never listened to the album. Change that. Immediately!

13:41 - We begin our 2017 recap…but not a recap of shit that came out in 2017, just the shit we were into in 2017!

19:59 - “S on T's and D's and Sh*t” is a reference to the mega hit song from the Wooden Perm (we'll talk about the band a little later) called “S on my T and my D”…yes, it stands for exactly what you think it stands for.

21:51 - Adam says “Sorry, mic” (not “Mike”), referring to the microphone. I believe he was clicking his ring against his can, next to the mic, and I made some sort of a comment/gesture to it. When he realized that the microphone had been picking up the sound, he says “sorry, mic”.

25:50 - The Wooden Perm was a one-off performance that I did with our friend/fellow Guitar Center employee/guitarist in my old band, Sean. Sean and I had one week to put together a 1hr+ long acoustic set of some covers and a couple of originals (one of those originals being the aforementioned “S on my T and my D”, which really got everyone on the dance floor!) and we filled the rest of the set time with our version of improv comedy. The show was awesome, everyone had a blast, and we joked that we rocked so hard we completely shut the show down- because right after our set, the power went out, due to a storm, and the other band never got to play (we all ended up just having a fun acoustic jam in the dark…until it got so hot that everyone eventually dispersed because there was no air conditioning haha). The Wooden Perm never performed again. Although we had ideas to make it more of a music and sketch comedy thing and include a bunch of our friends- so that it could be a rotating cast of people. We came up with tons of ideas for hilarious sketches…well, Adam came up with the majority of the ideas…and these ideas were saved on the computers at Guitar Center. One physical copy of “The Wooden Perm”, containing all of these ideas, is known to exist.

27:06 - We used to have a weekly Wednesday night get-together at Sean's house (the Sean from The Wooden Perm) and it would usually evolve into a random jam session with whoever showed up and was willing to mess around on an instrument. In all the years I knew Adam, I only saw him noodle around on a guitar or bass a handful of times (despite working at Guitar Center for years haha) but, one night,…Adam just randomly picked up the bass, Sean played drums, and I played guitar…and it fucking rocked! Something just clicked that night and it was definitely an early era Led Zeppelin-style of jam - just straight up classic rock and fuckin roll, man!

34:00 - Everybody's got (at least) one. Don't act like you don't.

35:35 - Adam shares a great family memory. And then Sarah and I dare him to repeat it. Hahaha

39:40 - We talk about classic kids shows and treat you to an impromptu performance of (a small portion) of one of those kids show intro songs.